For only $269, you can learn to speak Klingon with Rosetta Stone.

Our big collection of Free Language Lessons offers tutorials in Bambara, Bulgarian, Icelandic, Yiddish and more. But Klingon? That, sadly, you can only get at Rosetta Stone. Their software is compatible with Windows XP+ and OS X+, requires a CD-Rom drive and a headset with a microphone, and it lets you have live conversation sessions with native speakers. By the time you’re done, you should be able to make small talk in Klingon — order food at a restaurant, make a hotel reservation, ask for directions. You know, the basics.

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