Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza and Other Misheard Lyrics for Your Listening Pleasure

As the Ramones so mem­o­rably did­n’t sing, “Twen­ty-twen­ty-twen­ty-four hours to go…I want a piece of bacon.” Sub­sti­tute ham, and you’ve got your­self Col­lec­tive Caden­za’s His­to­ry of Mis­heard Lyrics, Opus No. 13. The clas­si­cal­ly trained per­form­ers are noth­ing if not game. The visu­al aids are ridicu­lous­ly on mes­sage. The goal? A one-take musi­cal com­pendi­um of pop’s most com­mon­ly mis­ap­pre­hend­ed phras­es. (Pri­or projects include sub­ject­ing “What a Won­der­ful World” to six­teen musi­cal gen­res and a love­ly His­to­ry of Lyrics That Aren’t Lyrics.)

With all the cur­rent debate over the real world wor­thi­ness of expen­sive col­lege edu­ca­tions, it’s reas­sur­ing to see recent Jul­liard grads help­ing them­selves to the crown once sport­ed by Mr. Jaws and Dr. Demen­to.

And now, read­ers, it’s your turn to shake it like a polar bear nin­ja. Was your favorite aur­al fail acknowl­edged above? Or will you be using the space below to demand its inclu­sion in a fol­low up?

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Comments (22)
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  • Clown says:

    In 2Pac’s Cal­i­for­nia Love, I always thought “Cal­i­for­nia… knows how to par­ty” was “Cal­i­for­nia… no doubt about it”.

  • uriel walker says:

    Of course I even­tu­al­ly learned that Cha­ka Khan was not singing “Climb Every Woman”.

  • Toomuchrock says:

    Bil­ly Jean. “Bil­ly Jean is not my lover but the chair is not my size.”

  • alana says:

    Brick House was the most dis­gust­ing song. “Sho’ nuff her knock­ers fall clear to her knees.” GRRROSSSS!

  • Gwyn says:

    What Jer­ry Gar­cia actu­al­ly sang in the Grate­ful Dead song “Mis­sis­sip­pi Half-Step Uptown Tood­e­loo” was “Get your­self a pow­der charge, seal that sil­ver mine.”

    I heard “Get your­self a pound of choco­late.” I did­n’t know how you could seal a mine with that, but it sound­ed like the typ­i­cal Jer­ry diet, so I just went with it.

  • Judy says:

    “Bessie says you ough­ta know that Sweet Sue can share”. (Pre­cious and few are the moments we two can share.)

  • Judy says:

    And the ref­er­ence in the clip remind­ed me that I thought, when I first heard it, that “More Than a Woman” was “Four-Let­ter Woman”…

  • Mike Lewis says:

    My sis­ter always sang “But I’m only a cross-eyed octo­pus” instead of cock­eyed opti­mist.

    My own mon­de­green came from think­ing that Her­man’s Her­mits sang “She’s a mus­cu­lar boy. A com­plete impos­si­bil­i­ty.”

  • Steve says:

    Got­ta have Hen­drix, ” ‘scuse me while I kiss this guy”

  • Rohan says:

    Ain’t no Hall-of-Fat girl …

    I did­n’t actu­al­ly think those were the lyrics. I just could­n’t work out what she was real­ly say­ing.

  • paul says:

    Grim poo­dle bash­er — Brim­ful of Asha

  • Dan says:

    The Clash: “Rock the cash bar”

    Michael Jack­son (Bil­lie Jean): “But the chair is not my son.”

  • Karla says:

    “Let’s drink pop!” — The Ramones, “Blitzkrieg Bop”

  • Debbie says:

    Child­hood me before know­ing what a Mar­gari­ta was … “Look­ing for my lost chain saw.”

  • Richard says:

    My Swedish girl­friend’s daugh­ter sings Nick Cave’s “sweet dot com”

  • augustine says:

    My friend mis­took “Lord I was born a ram­blin’ man” for “Lord, I was born and raised in Maine.”

    I mis­took Blind Mel­on’s no Rain “you know I like to keep my cheeks dry today” for “you know I like to keep my chi inside of me”

  • Sharon Gibson says:

    Odyssey’s Lil­lian Lopez’ Native New York­er wist­ful­ly won­ders “…And oh, where did all those yes­ter­days go (yes­ter­days go)
    When you still believed love could real­ly be like a Broad­way show (like a
    Broad­way show) You were the star, when did it close?”

    I took the last line as, “You were the star, with­out any clothes…”

  • MK Norton says:

    Friend thought Eric Clap­tion’s “For­ev­er Man” was “Four-Let­ter Man”

  • MK Norton says:

    Friend thought Eric Clapton’s “For­ev­er Man” was “Four-Let­ter Man”

  • Toby says:

    My sis­ter used to love singing about the cross-eyed bear in church when she was lit­tle (The cross I’d bear)

  • sara petty says:

    “Goin’ to the chapel, Leonard. Gonna get mar­ried.”

  • Colleen Tucker says:

    Thought the guy was car­ry­ing a “Hefty bag of home­fries ah, ah, ah, ah ah,ah love” in Train’s Dri­ve By.

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