Albert Einstein passionately wooed his first wife Mileva Maric, against his family’s wishes, and the two had a turbulent but intellectually rich relationship that they recorded for posterity in their letters. Einstein and Maric’s love letters have inspired the short film above, My Little Witch (in Serbian, I believe, with English subtitles) and several critical re-evaluations of Einstein’s life and Maric’s influence on his early thought. Some historians have even suggested that Maric—who was also trained in physics—made contributions to Einstein’s early work, a claim hotly disputed and, it seems, poorly substantiated.
The letters—written between 1897 and 1903 and only discovered in 1987—reveal a wealth of previously unknown detail about Maric and the marriage. While the controversy over Maric’s influence on Einstein’s theories raged among academics and viewers of PBS’s controversial documentary, Einstein’s Wife, a scandalous personal item in the letters got much better press. As Einstein and Mileva’s relationship deteriorated, and they attempted to scotch tape it together for the sake of their children, the avuncular pacifist wrote a chilling list of “conditions,” in outline form, that his wife must accept upon his return. Lists of Note transcribes them from Walter Isaacson’s biography Einstein: His Life and Universe:
CONDITIONS
A. You will make sure:
1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.
B. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:
1. my sitting at home with you;
2. my going out or travelling with you.
C. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
1. you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
2. you will stop talking to me if I request it;
3. you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
D. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.
While it may be unfair to judge anyone’s total character by its most glaring defects, there’s no way to read this without shuddering. Although Einstein tried to preserve the marriage, once they separated for good, he did not lament Mileva’s loss for long. Manjit Kumar tells us in Quantum: Einstein Bohr, and the Great Debate about the Nature of Reality that although “Mileva agreed to his demands and Einstein returned”
[I]t could not last. At the end of July, after just three months in Berlin, Mileva and the boys went back to Zurich. As he stood on the platform waving goodbye, Einstein wept, if not for Mileva and the memories of what had been, then for his two departing sons. But within a matter of weeks he was happily enjoying living alone “in my large apartment in undiminished tranquility.”
Einstein prized his solitude greatly. Another remark shows his difficulty with personal relationships. While he eventually fell in love with his cousin Elsa and finally divorced Mavic to marry her in 1919, that marriage too was troubled. Elsa died in 1936 soon after the couple moved to the U.S. Not long after her death, Einstein would write, “I have gotten used extremely well to life here. I live like a bear in my den…. This bearishness has been further enhanced by the death of my woman comrade, who was better with other people than I am.”
Einstein’s personal failings might pass by without much comment if had not, like his hero Gandhi, been elevated to the status of a “secular saint.” Yet, it is also the personal inconsistencies, the weaknesses and petty, even incredibly callous moments, that make so many famous figures’ lives compelling, if also confusing. As Einstein scholar John Stachel says, “Too much of an idol was made of Einstein. He’s not an idol—he’s a human, and that’s much more interesting.”
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Josh Jones is a writer and musician based in Durham, NC. Follow him at @jdmagness
It is true that Einstein was just a human, equal to us, and making idols out of people can only be decceived by a closer look. But there is a hint in his letters that he was not exactly like most of us: What he demands — his list, that sounds very unfair or selfish to our ears sounds very different to people with Asperger or any other form of Autism. Many of them could make a similar list. In fact, it sounds like someone trying to find order at any price as well as beeing undisturbed and protected from external “triggers” — disturbances that overloads their low tolerance to support every social relations to the “outer world”. If ever you may have the chance to read about the marriage behaviour of someone with an Asperger diagnosis you will find their way of live similar to the one Einstein asks for, but the reasons are not selfish, they are a way of survival for someone with lacks in his social abilities while in other areas Apspergers may show surprising high talents — like the one of Einstein.
This list was new to me, but it supports in my eyes very well the hypothesis of Einstein beeing one with an Aspergian syndrom…what of course can never be proved with 100% evidence, but there ar a lot of hints for it. This list is just another one.
I agree completely with Jan Heilig. I have four on the spectrum and have some Asperger tendencies myself. I can understand why he wrote them(his list of terms). Yes it may seem harsh to some, but with what I have seen and lived with. I understand and respect it, as well as his ability to self advocate for his needs. The difference in his life and mine is we adjust to it a bit better, and more socially at my house but we also have an understanding that if one of us needs to be totally isolated for a time that is sacred space.
Cruel List? He was the Man and he had his quirks BIG DEAL!!! I do not see this list or demands as cruel at all!!Give me a break!!!
The relation between the two has been specifically related in the biography of Moriz Winternitz by his son Georg Winternitz. See the publication aection of my website http://www.grieb.org/debu and click: Biography Moriz Winternitz (English, PDF, 330kB) p. 7–9 but particularly the following lines:
“Einstein lived in Prague with his wife Mileva, neé Mariè (1875–1948) and their two sons,
Hans Albert and Eduard, born in 1904 and 1910 respectively. Mileva was a Greek Orthodox Serbian whose parents lived in a small town in what was then Hungary later now Yugoslavia. She had become acquainted with Einstein in Zurich. Their participation in studies of the same subject soon led to a tender attachment, which resulted to their marriage in 1903. It struck me even at that time that Einstein frequently spent entire Sunday afternoons in our company without his wife or children even once. I came to know much later, however, that his marriage did not turn out to be a happy one. They lived apart from 1914 onwards. The marriage was officially dissolved in 1919 before Einstein wedded for the second time. I think I understand today to what circumstances we children owed our acquaintance with Einstein. In the company of his colleague’s harmonious family he obviously got his hard-earned relaxation through music and delightful conversation. In his later years he also liked to spend his hours of convalescence with his colleagues or friends and their families. His own family life was bound in great sorrow, and it was fortunate that his efforts were totally absorbed in an extraordinary interest in research. At times he could only find joy in nature, in music, and in unconstrained conversation with good friends.”
As a high school teacher, I have had at least one autistic student each academic year. Several of my autistic students have the Asperger’s variety of autism. Yes, they have a lot of difficulty functioning “properly” with other people, but my experience with Asperger’s kids has been mostly quite positive. By the time they reach high school, most of them have learned how to live with the condition. And as an academic, I can tell you that not one of my Asperger’s kids has had an IQ of any less than 135. So perhaps their innate intelligence helps them to compensate for what skills they lack socially. Einstein’s list looks, to me, like a survival guide — he knew what his triggers were and he was at least partially successful at steering clear of them. And what did we, as a society, get in return? The most brilliant scientist/mathematician in human history. We, as a society, benefited tremendously from Einstein’s presence on our planet. Bravo!!!
I don’t see anything compelling or confusing about this. It seems Einstein’s Conditions (particularly B & C) provide excellent evidence in favor of the proposition that reason and intellect, no matter how great, do not inexorably lead to morality.
Different time/place. But men were usually a‑holes to their wives back then.
…and of course the men here will excuse and rationalize all this, entirely. But if this were Madame Curie with all these demands, oooo! “Bitch! Bitch!” Yeah, I can just hear it. Men sure don’t like their faults being called out; women are supposed to endlessly endure being faulted however.
Einstein’s “conditions” for a attempted reconciliation with Mileva sound most like a recognition of a relationship where the two participants were wholly unmatched in their needs for intimacy. It also reveals that NEITHER of the participants were fully able to come to terms with the others needs. But there is nothing in this that addresses “morality” in any sense.
So what happened to Einstein’s son after he took off for the USA?
My question is the same as Mike Johnson what happened to his two son’s?
Einstein divorced his 1st wife AFTER she explained and proved the theory of relativity to him. He then published it and took full credit for it.
He never matched that accomplishment again.
Just another example of male “entitlement” in action… steal what you can from a woman and find a way to blame her for everything. Boys club rules.
I read this book years ago and found it extremely interesting, especially the chapter on Mileva Maric and Einstein. It supports what katydid41 is saying about the Theory of Relativity.
http://www.amazon.com/Einsteins-Wife-Marriage-Lives-
Twentieth-Century/dp/0140159932/ref=sr_sp-atf_image_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1388615976&sr=1–1&keywords=Einstein%27s+wife
By the way, I don’t think that we can conclude anything about Einstein’s having Asperger’s based on the material given here. Certainly his love letters to Mileva show a good deal of feeling, which would counter that diagnosis. I believe more material and more thought needs to go into understanding his character.
The link did not take so here’s the info on the book. It is -
Einstein’s Wife: Work and Marriage in the Lives of Five Great Twentieth-Century Women by Andrea Gabor
In response to Marlene; a diagnosis of Aspergers and the ability to demonstrate in writing ‘a good deal of feeling’ are not incompatible. People with Aspergers have rich emotional lives; the difficulties lie not in being able to feel positive emotions, but in being able to act upon them.
That list looks like “conditions to have me come back, despite the fact that we’re not getting along — for the sake of our children”
… Sounds fair.
Even if he did fall on the autistic spectrum it does not erase the fact that his letter is basically demands for his wife (who at that point didn’t even get along with) to serve him. Now it can be argued that it is a type of “autism survival guide”, however having your wife fold and do you laundry/ make and serve diner to you in your room (like some god, ha!) is misogynistic and is not seeing ones wife as an equal but as some sort of slave(even if the marriage was crumbling he should not have a list of demands for his wife to follow like a employee/slave). Smart as he may be in some areas, it seems as though he lacked in the basic understanding of gender equality. A flawed human for sure.
Does his writings on love, as the quintessential force of the universe, fit with the profile of aspergers?
excuse me but.…what is the problem with these requirements ???
In my country, these are just some basic rules…mouah ah ah !!!
Ibrahim : the problem with these requirements is that they turn women into low status little respected servants who produce poorly educate unsensitive brats like yourself.
there is no reason to belive he was asperger, or if he was, he was not very much. He went along well and was charming to people at parties as has been reported multiple times.
If he was asperger, it was slightly, not to the point of being completely incapacitated by any noise or stimulus.
Those that have asperger to the point of being unable to tolerate stimulus are unable to express rich emotional lives, unlike what some suggest. It takes a moderate asperger to be able to express yourself like that.
He seems like someone who wanted to have a lot of time for himself and that did not consider he had much time to owe to his wife and family.
It sounds much more as though he did not get along well with his wife, valued his intellectual life more, and wanted to have the least possible amount of contact with his family, than it souns that he was unable to have contact with people.
Asperger or not, it is cruel to be with someone that does not ever want to go out or spend time with you, and married with someone who does not want intimacy.
Considering it was just some sort of patch on a marriage that didnt work, just to make it work for the kids it seems, it is somewhat understandable, except for the part about being served three times a day, which is over the top yet normal at the time. His intelligence did not make him see beyond the social conventions of the time in what regards gender roles it seems.
The fact people say there is no problem at all with a marriage including those demands, since he is a genius, really does show how entitled society accepts male genius to be, especially in their relationship with women. People would not be so understanding with curie, as has been said.
This tendance to not want to admit any hard or darker trait in a genius just because overall his impact on earth is positive, really shows a way of thinking that seems to me dangerous.
It is obvious from this that he did not value his wife very much and wanted to spend the least amount of time with her and have the least possible amount of obligations towards his whole family. If they were in very bad terms, once again some of it can be understood, but brushing it away as him being a nice chap cause overall he did good to earth bewilders me.
basically what caren epstein says is
— he was successful at steering clear of what bothered him by having pretty harsh demands on a woman and only bothering a woman — while in exchange he provided the world first rate science ; so bravo, no problem there.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
I’ve always know this quote, but in response to the fact that Einstein was flawed & not a perfect idol, It dawned on me it’s application:
Small minds idolize people
Average minds idolize events
Great minds idolize ideas.
Please do not try to speak for me, you do it badly.
And of course Albert is the villain in this script.
Does no one ask what behavior in Maric prompted Albert to ask he not be verbally abused of belittled in front of the children?
And what an awful man he must have been to feel the need to put in writing that his wife no longer “reproach” him.
Perhaps a different lens by which we can consider the list and the man who wrote it…
To a scientific intelligence which seeks to describe and predict, the list is a tool almost akin to an algorithm or heuristic. It could be Einsteins attempt to solve a complex social and marital problem by defining a solution in terms acceptable to him. No room for potentially divergent discussions or explorations of causes and dimensions of the problem- just an attempted solution.
We can critique the shortcomings of the list for signs of self interest,differential entitlement,or evidence of Asbergers, and it is not hard to identify, but the list was clearly intended to act as a formula to allow the family to continue living together. What misery must have necessitated such a proposal? I recall all too well marriage to a brilliant person and raising children within the shadow of bizarre neglect caused by Asbergers
how odd to realize that some women find it ok to receive a list of what to do and not do in their marriage :)
is it because we’re talking about a genius that no one dares saying that he seemed to want a distant presence and a slave rather than a wife? “don’t expect any intimacy” is just as disturbing as “you will give me intimacy every time I will want it”… I’m not sure I get all the asperger comments when the article says that he didn’t lament when they separated, asperger or not he didn’t seem to care much about her, it does sound as simple as that…
Why didn’t he get to keep his boys
Talk about blaming the victim! I was raised in a house where it was always said that there are two sides to every story. Well there aren’t always two sides two every story. She is not responsible for him being a d**k. If he didn’t want to continue the relationship he had options, which he later exercised. Being cruel is never warranted. We should not have any tolerance for it no matter how exalted the person is. We, as a society have no control over the behavior of an individual. We do, however have a choice of deciding what we find acceptable. It is by that, that a society should be judged.
I believe that Mileva was a toxic personality (NPD) and Albert was simply setting strong boundaries with her. He appears to have “married his mother”, as unaware victims often do. He broke down with PTSD after the divorce.
Galileo, Kepler, and Newton suffered similarly. Survivors find good things happen to them when they break away and achieve No Contact.
He went on to other recognition. His Nobel Prize was not for the Theory of Relativity.
It is so very sad that people are willing to guess and to judge without knowing the context. Apparently the letter was written to convince the wife to agree to a divorce. She was adamantly against it, and so what you see are a set of impossible conditions. She agreed shortly thereafter. That Einstein was serious or that this was a literal request is merely a conclusion that people with no imagination jump to. Everyone who wants to self-satisfyingly diagnose asperger’s or misogyny are certainly no psychiatrists.
You call Einstein immorral because he gave his wife, who had made his life a living hell, a second chance on behalf of their children and merely asked her to keep contact to a minimum? Asking her not to publicly humiliate him in front of his own children, something she had done many times before, “immoral”??
Please do not try to speak for me; you do it badly.
Sorry, just had to correct comma punctuation use.
@Angelina Love, how can you say that?! Einstein forced his first wife to put her son up for adoption, he cheated on her, and that list is so insulting to his wife, I mean, he expected his wife to do his laundry, expected her to make him lunch, breakfast, and dinner. He also expected her to wait on him hand and foot, I mean, clean his study! Stop talking when he says to, leave the room if he says to, that is very insulting, he treats his wife as if she is a slave with those requests. Also, his theory of relativity was both his and his first wives theory. And he gave her no credit at all.
I just arrived to the same conclusion after watching Genius, recently released by National Geographic. Quite clear, many elements pointing to that. I believe he also did not expect Mileva to agree to those conditions, conceding him the divorce. Of course the toxic person would be reticent to lose his/her supply, so she agreed with them than losing him.
I feel that his mother and his cousin made that list for Albert in hopes his wife would give him the divorce.
If his 1st wife would have been given the chance to study with Albert things would have been different his
mother wouldn’t support that she wanted to domisticate her she had a brilliant mind Albert fell in love with it they could relate the other women couldn’t and were jealous.
I don’t think Albert found that ever again what does that tell us he saved their love letters to the end.
Albert, his older son went to the US, while Eduard his younger son stayed in Zurich with his mom and eventually got internalised to Burgholzli hospital because of his mental problems.
I have lived this life. All of these demands were made in me.
I refused. I settled in for
THE LONG WAIT. it took my husband many years to leave. His room was a horror. I had to sleep on a sofa 5yrs.When we divorced,he photographed his own
Pig pen and blamed me. This was in 2009.Our custody suit was decided by jury. Nine men, 3 women. I lost. He beat our son and lost custody. My ex.was a classical musician, very Aspergers. I loved him but he was unfair, unfeeling. I survived. My son survived. The
Ex.struggles with relationships.
“He’s not an idol—he’s a human, and that’s much more interesting.”
Is “Genius” accurate in his portrayal? If so, then Einstein was a poor excuse for a human. “Interesting” does not justify his cruelty and coldness to his wife.
Everything is fine she may have contributed to his theory.but we cant deny the fact 80 percentage of the science we know today is contributed by men. Even if she contributed to him it dosnt take away the fact science is almost entirely made by men .so you cant say woman is more intelligent than men.you can also not say men is intelligent than women.both hav equal intelligences.and why does we hav to worry about if mileva didnt have any problem with it.she didnt even for once said she helped him.so the theory is solely by einstein.
Any genius has a price to pay. Always a down side. Maleva was a woman during a time when men spent inordinate energy to control women and look THE MAN. Sick. She was brilliant and I have to say from what little I’ve learned about the Einsteins tells me strongly that it was Maleva who inspired and triggered some of the most relevant theories we know today that we attribute to Einstein. Two beautiful boys. And Einstein left this beautiful brilliant mother of his two sons for his corpulent cousin? My first impression from this is that Einstein was a very threatened male. Especially with this list he presented to his…perfect mate and her subjugated duties…she wanted to go with him to talks and society promotions. She was forced to act stupid and worthless while he took credit for HER ideas. Who knows who will ever know for sure what the dynamics of the Einsteins were! I am just showing another possible version.
Laughable feminist lie
Curie is the best feminists can come up with yet discovering radium she failed to discover it was dangerous even as she died of it. If that’s genius then women have a long way to go
He was a man with an extremely low level of testosterone, so he wasn’t very interested in pu$$y. As far as his list of demands, they were quite justifiable during that era. Of course they would be extreme now, but now doesn’t count when it comes to then.
what Valid Proof do you have of this?
he was 1/2 jewish and 1/2 german. whats your excuse now.…
He was clearly trying to isolate himself from the type of constant harping criticism that you are displaying here.
Sometimes, for the sake of our own sanity, we have to say shut up.
List is taken out of context.
Read the biographies. (Or even just the link provided to “Lists of Note.”)
Truncated version: Einstein wanted a divorce. Maric wouldn’t agree. (Ergo the “return” referenced.) List created to force the issue. It worked — five months later Maric moved out, taking the kids with her. And five years later she agreed to the divorce.
I wondered this. Then again the 3 meal a day requirement is a bit disturbing.
Albert Einstein did not impose these rules on his wife. He did so to get out of a failing marriage since the wife declined the divorce. In order to break the marriage and prevent Albert and his wife from going crazy, he created a very intolerable and terrible list so she can accept the divorce. Anyone who believes this list is actually fair should probably go seek actual help.…there is something wrong with you.
As for the creator of this post, don’t word your titles so wrongly.
Go back to the period that this so called contract was wrote. This is more common of a mind set amongst Americans , than you might think.
All this innuendos… Einstein wanted to divorce Mileva didn’t so he created this list to force her to divorce…
L.….you are spot on!
I applaude your response to Ibrahim
I can say that I read the letter without shuddering. I think many people can say the same. He wanted to divorce her but she did not want to. He was just trying to get her to divorce from a loveless marriage so he can go with the one he loved. So sad to see this article. Hundred years since it happened and people are still trying to judge or demonize the man. His first wife seemed very smart, but hysterical. No man deserves a crazy woman. I give kuddos to Albert for the letter. Honesty about how one feels is only something to admire. Deceit and lies are the only sin.
Einstein s biggest crime was copying the Irishman s Hamilton s theory of Relativity
Do you have any idea what you are saying. How ca you possibly believe that.
He who speak does not know,
He who knows does not speak.
I couldn’t agree more.
Albert was an introvert and if you know what that really is which is long consistent on a daily basis discovery to the person that which they lack also which i wont really say it to every one in its nacked form so extroverts take this as an advantage.
I know Albert’s personality. How? Cant say but you can already guess that it is not from human by human only discovery. My point is, Albert subconsciously was aware of his weaknesses, he had to set some rule as a defense.
If he was a manipulator who had no problem manipulating people to win every argument, enjoying the limelight comforted on the presence and attentions of others he wouldn’t write B, C, D
i know others who were like this too. Michael Jackson, it may be true what they say about them tho saying “plain rude” because they lack sth *. But
Dont belittle me infront of the children?
You will stop talking to me if i request it?
This man must’ve lost control of her being unstoppably draining and abusing him. Be sure.
But brain washed to womans victimhood allover their head by feminists could say more than a..ole. that means ntn but hunger to dominate men. As the bible it self says so ‘you will desire to control your husband’. Simpletons they must be. Not knowing the creator who is capable to judge upon all to fire(punishment) or life which is pleasure, peace. Both limitlessly which is called forever.
Glory be to him.
I coun’t agree with you mroe. It seems that all sorts of bad behavoir is allowed for men.
Angelina, I hope you find your Einstein and discover Truth.
Elegantly stated.
It is interesting to read so many people read their biography into this short list. Perhaps even more interesting, it seems that current political tribalism must be read into past events.
I am sorry to see the obvious distress in this house, as I am with the huge number of broken homes I deal with now. I hope that those of us who are distressed with this article do something to help a struggling home now.
I concur with Karsus.
Any person who has to make leniency towards the wishes of another or “for the better good” despite his/her own will, wishes and tendencies would form such a list. That is, any person in their right mind! That in order to to try to prevent any “misunderstandings” or exploitation of their act of good-will!
The fact that “some” (if not most) of the above comments are related to the personal experiences of their writers, only proves the narrow-mindedness tendency of the human race… I’d suggest better education as therapy… THIS IS EXACTLY HOW PREJUDICE COMES TO EXIST = NARROW-MINDEDNESS…
There was nothing cruel about these requests. She was a malignant narcissist and Einstein imposed these for social reasons during their relationship. My understanding is the idea was when dealing with a malignant narcissist you must set ground rules so they are not abusive, use you, or become violent. These rules were to mitigate the damage caused by her not put her down as a female. Anyone taking this as such is probably a feminist, yet all you are looking at is the side of the demands not so much what she was probably doing. Feminist condone the behavior though. What’s funny is if you went to work acting like a malignant narcissist you would get fired female or male. Cruel you say to wash clothes, keep his room tidy, stop talking if she started to become verbally abusive (you won’t put me down or talk to me like that in front of our children), no none of that is cruel at all. Why would someone who’s imposing such restrictions offer their noble prize to be left alone? You don’t think he could have taken that money and found a new broad, more mentally stable, and polite to spend that money on? It was because Mileva was mentally sick, and he cut his loses at an expensive price.
Edward felt in love in med school — with an older student but their relationship felt apart and he attempted suicide. The depression and difficult childhood triggered his latent schizophrenia and he spent 30 years in a mental writing beautiful poetry, and his mother was begging for financial help to everyone she knew until she died.
The other son became a teacher and went to America to find his father. Einstein probably didn’t care two bits about anyone. He was a tyrant, and I wouldn’t call call his behavior by any mental disorder, that would be ludicrous. Many successful people are absolutely horrible. There are letter that detail the way he treated his wife, that was just abusive. He would have gone through high conflict resolution classes and pay child and spousal support nowadays and she would have lived to be an old woman instead of suffering and begging around.
There’s a theory that both his daughter and Eduard had mental disorder because Einstein had syphilis when they were still married. Syphilis which was so common in the days, damaged his ascending aorta — and killed him — apparently.
It isn’t that abnormal a list, if you think about it. Many marriages fall into that kind of pattern when people fall out of love. We also don’t know what list of demands Mileva had for him (if any). It’s quite possible that we’re only seeing one side of the story here. And I think most telling is the very last comment about Mileva belittling him in front of the children. It sheds some light on what kind of a person she was since a reasonable person and good mother wouldn’t do that. Also he tells her that she shouldn’t expect intimacy and mustn’t reproach him in any way. It sounds as if he had stopped being sexually attracted to her and it seems her belittling him and reproaching him probably played a part in that. I think that’s why he says she should stop talking if he requests it, which is a reasonable request if he’s referring to her belittling and reproaching him. So there’s probably some context missing here about how Mileva conducted herself in their relationship which eventually led to this list being written. It takes two to tango.
Einstein wanted a divorce. I am certain he would have supported at least half of a child’s expensive monthly if she Mileva agreed to divorce.
So This is article potentially misleading.. Einstein might have wrote the letter intentionally being absurd in order to ensure a divorce.
He only wanted to belittle his wife so that she would be forced to grant him the freedom of a divorce. She denied him that freedom and that is cruel.
However, it is certain that Mileva had reason to fear divorce for being a woman whose career never took flight, partly due to Einstein, and where would she live if not in Einstein’s home!!
So, my opinion really depends both on 1) USA laws to protect women after divorce (in those days) and 2) Einstein’s intention of financially supporting not just his kids, but at least her wife (until she gets a job or remarries).
Assuming Einstein approached my two concerns with dignity, then I view his letter as a man trying to gain freedom, and I would view Mileva as partly cruel, and very possibly either delusional or hysterical for denying Einstein his request to divorce (not to mention, weak/bitter for accepting such cruel requirements as those listed)
You can get a sense of how Mileva was as a person in his previous letters. Einstein always called her ‘my little one’ or some such phrases. Its a subtle way of feeling superior in a relationship, putting your wife on a pedestal below you. Mileva seemed to me rather emotional, sick and innocent. Not combative at all. Also, the reason she reproached him was that she suspected him of infidelity. Einstein mentions something hinting towards that in this very letter as well. No one knows the truth of it of course, and Einstein denies it vehemently. Here, and in subsequent letters also, Einstein’s behaviour towards Mileva is bordering on a superior ordering/ talking down to his inferior, leaving no room for an equal discourse. I get a sense that this marriage was never equal and Mileva looked up to Einstein. All was well till the worshipful girl started finding fault. That’s when all hell broke loose. Perhaps there is some justification in the fact that this behaviour was common for men in that century? Maybe Einstein could not tolerate being the lower one on the pedestal for a change. Anyways, it broke my heart as I always looked up to Einstein as a kind man, a loving man.
There’s a few things going on here. First in those days in Europe the wife was expected to do all that cleaning and organs and obeying. Denying her intimacy however, even when she fulfills that rule, is not standard. I do think he was being a jerk in order to get her to leave him though.
Second, I watched some of Genius on Amazon Prime Video and tbh if a dude tasted me like that, even back in the day, I’d consider that he was a dick. It seems she thought they were colleagues but he had no problem relegating her to the role of housewife. She may very well have been as smart as him, and he expected her to just be a housewife. I think Marie Curie’s husband was much more inclusive, and they lived in the same time period.
Bottom line though, she should have baked on him after the first kid died cause he wasn’t stepping up and was obviously going to throw her under the bus with regard to not taking responsibility for fulfilling the footie they both planned which included her working. Dude wouldn’t even marry her before the birth or attend the birth. She probably couldn’t let him go die to emotional attachment but he was definitely showing signs of being a deadbeat long before this list
And finally, it’s okay for ppl who make contributions to society, science, art, music, literature to also be terrible ppl. It’s obviously not desirable, but those two things can exist simultaneously. In Einstein’s case he was a crap spouse to the first wife and it seems he never credited her for her contributions. That can be true and also he can simultaneously have made incredible contributions and have other redeeming qualities.
I read the article and most of the replies. I feel as confused and ignorant about this subject as I did before.
It just goes to show that bad history is worse than complete lack of knowledge.
Einstein was a Genius and he understood women. His Rules should be followed by EVERY Feminist when they are married to a MAN.