Steven Spielberg & Alfred Hitchcock Face Off in an Epic Rap Battle (NSFW)

In a throw down between directors Steven Spielberg and Alfred Hitchcock, who do you think would win?

The pioneering crowd pleaser?

Or the master of suspense?

If Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist, the makers of Epic Rap Battles of History refuse to say, I will: neither of them.

Instead, it is action director Michael Bay (as embodied by a bewigged Shukoff), who emerges victorious, dropping into the proceedings via helicopter, to spit that moviemaking is all about the “motherfuc&in’ money”! Artistically, he may not have much currency, but there’s no arguing that the Transformers franchise has indeed endowed him with the “socks made of silk money.”

Other unannounced competitors include Stanley Kubrick, pedaling down a long hallway on an ersatz Big Wheel, and Quentin Tarantino, summoned, no doubt, by a Hitchcock taunt that no one will ever pick Samuel L. Jackson’s turn in Jurassic Park as their favorite Samuel L. Jackson role.

It’s vulgar, and NSFW sans headphones, but as legions of adolescent boys will passionately attest, it has its moments. Watching the behind the scenes, below, reminded me of all the planning that went into this episode, from special effects make up to research and green screen. If the end result is not quite to your taste, at least you can rest assured that it’s by design.

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Ayun Halliday is an author, homeschooler, and Chief Primatologist of the East Village Inky zine. Follow her @AyunHalliday