Steven Spielberg & Alfred Hitchcock Face Off in an Epic Rap Battle (NSFW)

In a throw down between direc­tors Steven Spiel­berg and Alfred Hitch­cock, who do you think would win?

The pio­neer­ing crowd pleas­er?

Or the mas­ter of sus­pense?

If Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist, the mak­ers of Epic Rap Bat­tles of His­to­ry refuse to say, I will: nei­ther of them.

Instead, it is action direc­tor Michael Bay (as embod­ied by a bewigged Shukoff), who emerges vic­to­ri­ous, drop­ping into the pro­ceed­ings via heli­copter, to spit that moviemak­ing is all about the “motherfuc&in’ mon­ey”! Artis­ti­cal­ly, he may not have much cur­ren­cy, but there’s no argu­ing that the Trans­form­ers fran­chise has indeed endowed him with the “socks made of silk mon­ey.”

Oth­er unan­nounced com­peti­tors include Stan­ley Kubrick, ped­al­ing down a long hall­way on an ersatz Big Wheel, and Quentin Taran­ti­no, sum­moned, no doubt, by a Hitch­cock taunt that no one will ever pick Samuel L. Jackson’s turn in Juras­sic Park as their favorite Samuel L. Jack­son role.

It’s vul­gar, and NSFW sans head­phones, but as legions of ado­les­cent boys will pas­sion­ate­ly attest, it has its moments. Watch­ing the behind the scenes, below, remind­ed me of all the plan­ning that went into this episode, from spe­cial effects make up to research and green screen. If the end result is not quite to your taste, at least you can rest assured that it’s by design.

Relat­ed Con­tent:

23 Free Hitch­cock Movies Online

Alfred Hitchcock’s Sev­en-Minute Edit­ing Mas­ter Class

Every Frame a Paint­ing Explains the Film­mak­ing Tech­niques of Mar­tin Scors­ese, Jack­ie Chan, and Even Michael Bay

Ter­ry Gilliam Explains The Dif­fer­ence Between Kubrick (Great Film­mak­er) and Spiel­berg (Less So)

Thomas Edi­son and Niko­la Tes­la Face Off in “Epic Rap Bat­tles of His­to­ry”

Ayun Hal­l­i­day is an author, home­school­er, and Chief Pri­ma­tol­o­gist of the East Vil­lage Inky zine. Fol­low her @AyunHalliday