Bill Hicks’ 12 Principles of Comedy

When we think of trash-talk­ing, trans­gres­sive come­di­ans, a few big names spring imme­di­ate­ly to mind: George Car­lin and Richard Pry­or; Joan Rivers and Lenny Bruce. Cur­rent­ly, we have Amy Schumer, and Louis CK and Chris Rock, who—though both promi­nent fam­i­ly men now—still piss peo­ple off from time to time. We’ve just scratched the sur­face, of course, but we might even think of Denis Leary, who dom­i­nat­ed the 90s with his rapid-fire deliv­ery and unre­pen­tant chain smok­ing. And if you know Leary, you may know the man whose act he’s been accused of stealing—chain-smoking fire­brand com­ic Bill Hicks.

I won’t get into the mer­its of those charges (com­e­dy pla­gia­rism is a long and sto­ried sub­ject). What I find inter­est­ing is that in one of the key sim­i­lar­i­ties between Leary and Hicks lies one of their great­est dif­fer­ences: a dis­tinc­tive regionalism—Leary the wiseass New Eng­lan­der; Hicks the rebel­lious South­ern­er. Hicks grew up in Texas, and was very much a Tex­an, though not your red state, Bush-vot­er but the kind of Tex­an who once upon a time elect­ed Demo­c­ra­t­ic gov­er­nor Ann Richards. (He described his fam­i­ly as “Yup­pie Bap­tists,” who “wor­ried about things like, ‘If you scratch your neighbor’s Sub­aru, should you leave a note?’”)

In rebelling against both an uptight urban lib­er­al­ism and the angry rur­al chau­vin­ism of his con­ser­v­a­tive South­ern milieu, Hicks, who died of can­cer in 1993, became some­thing of a folk hero as well as a com­e­dy leg­end. For a taste of his com­ic invec­tive, see him rip into Amer­i­can anti-intel­lec­tu­al­ism in the clip above. And for a taste of his method­ol­o­gy, see the list below, once post­ed on the wall of Atlanta’s Laugh­ing Skull com­e­dy club. This comes to us via come­di­an Chris Hard­wick at Nerdist, who, after offer­ing his own advice, turns to Hicks to answer to the ques­tion, “How does one go about being a com­ic.”

BILL HICKS’ PRINCIPLES OF COMEDY

1. If you can be your­self on stage nobody else can be you and you have the law of sup­ply and demand cov­ered.

2. The act is some­thing you fall back on if you can’t think of any­thing else to say.

3. Only do what you think is fun­ny, nev­er just what you think they will like, even though it’s not that fun­ny to you.

4. Nev­er ask them is this fun­ny – you tell them this is fun­ny.

5. You are not mar­ried to any of this shit – if some­thing hap­pens, tak­ing you off on a tan­gent, NEVER go back and fin­ish a bit, just move on.

6. NEVER ask the audi­ence “How You Doing?” Peo­ple who do that can’t think of an open­ing line. They came to see you to tell them how they’re doing, ask­ing that stu­pid ques­tion up front just digs a hole. This is The Most Com­mon Mis­take made by per­form­ers. I want to leave as soon as they say that.

7. Write what enter­tains you. If you can’t be fun­ny be inter­est­ing. You haven’t lost the crowd. Have some­thing to say and then do it in a fun­ny way.

8. I close my eyes and walk out there and that’s where I start, Hon­est.

9. Lis­ten to what you are say­ing, ask your­self, “Why am I say­ing it and is it Nec­es­sary?” (This will fil­ter all your mate­r­i­al and cut the unnec­es­sary words, econ­o­my of words)

10. Play to the top of the intel­li­gence of the room. There aren’t any bad crowds, just wrong choic­es.

11. Remem­ber this is the hard­est thing there is to do. If you can do this you can do any­thing.

12. I love my crack­er roots. Get to know your fam­i­ly, be friends with them.

I’ve nev­er for a sec­ond con­sid­ered doing stand-up, but I’ve stood in front of many a crowd­ed music venue and class­room and have had to con­quer stage fright and self-doubt. Seems to me much of Hicks’ advice is plen­ty applic­a­ble to any kind of per­for­mance sit­u­a­tion, whether its teach­ing, play­ing music, giv­ing a job or con­fer­ence talk, a mag­ic act, or doing stand-up, which I don’t doubt is “the hard­est thing there is to do.” I espe­cial­ly like num­ber 12. Hicks’ mis­an­throp­ic salvos against Amer­i­can igno­rance hit the tar­get so often because he gen­uine­ly seemed to care about the cul­ture he took aim at.

via @WFMU

Relat­ed Con­tent:

How the Great George Car­lin Showed Louis CK the Way to Suc­cess (NSFW)

Joan Rivers (1933–2014) Describes on Louie Her Undy­ing Com­mit­ment to Com­e­dy

Lenny Bruce Riffs and Rants on Injus­tice and Hypocrisy in One of His Final Per­for­mances (NSFW)

Josh Jones is a writer and musi­cian based in Durham, NC. Fol­low him at @jdmagness

David Sedaris Spends 3–8 Hours Per Day Picking Up Trash in the UK; Testifies on the Litter Problem

Humorist David Sedaris has become some­thing of a local hero in his adopt­ed home of West Sus­sex, Eng­land. And for fair­ly unex­pect­ed rea­sons. Repulsed by the lit­ter prob­lem in Eng­land, Sedaris began spend­ing 3–8 hours each day pick­ing up trash along the side of var­i­ous roads. Day in, day out. Fast for­ward a few years, and the local com­mu­ni­ty hon­ored Sedaris by nam­ing a garbage truck after him — “Pig Pen Sedaris.” And now we have him tes­ti­fy­ing before the MPs on the Com­mu­ni­ties and Local Gov­ern­ment Com­mit­tee. If you like C‑SPAN, you will love these 2+ hours of video.

via metafil­ter

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Three Actresses from Downton Abbey Play a Raunchy Card Game (NSFW)

Over the hol­i­days, the cast of Down­ton Abbey let their hair down a bit when they released a nine-minute par­o­dy of the ITV show. It stars George Clooney, and there’s even a lit­tle cameo by Jere­my Piv­en. It’s quite fun­ny. Don’t miss it.

Now comes some­thing even more relaxed. The video above fea­tures three actress­es from Down­ton Abbey —  Lau­ra Carmichael (Lady Edith), Les­ley Nicol (Mrs. Pat­more), and Phyl­lis Logan (Mrs. Hugh­es) — play­ing “Cards Against Human­i­ty.” The game’s own web site bills it as “a par­ty game for hor­ri­ble peo­ple.” While I’m sure that Mr. Car­son would be com­plete­ly scan­dal­ized by the scene above — it’s def­i­nite­ly Not Safe for Work — I guess we could mild­ly cel­e­brate the fact that “Cards Against Human­i­ty” has been released under a Cre­ative Com­mons license, and you can down­load the game for free.

Relat­ed Con­tent:

New Par­o­dy of Down­ton Abbey Fea­tures George Clooney & the Cast of the Show

Willie Nel­son Shows You a Delight­ful Card Trick

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Steven Spielberg & Alfred Hitchcock Face Off in an Epic Rap Battle (NSFW)

In a throw down between direc­tors Steven Spiel­berg and Alfred Hitch­cock, who do you think would win?

The pio­neer­ing crowd pleas­er?

Or the mas­ter of sus­pense?

If Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist, the mak­ers of Epic Rap Bat­tles of His­to­ry refuse to say, I will: nei­ther of them.

Instead, it is action direc­tor Michael Bay (as embod­ied by a bewigged Shukoff), who emerges vic­to­ri­ous, drop­ping into the pro­ceed­ings via heli­copter, to spit that moviemak­ing is all about the “motherfuc&in’ mon­ey”! Artis­ti­cal­ly, he may not have much cur­ren­cy, but there’s no argu­ing that the Trans­form­ers fran­chise has indeed endowed him with the “socks made of silk mon­ey.”

Oth­er unan­nounced com­peti­tors include Stan­ley Kubrick, ped­al­ing down a long hall­way on an ersatz Big Wheel, and Quentin Taran­ti­no, sum­moned, no doubt, by a Hitch­cock taunt that no one will ever pick Samuel L. Jackson’s turn in Juras­sic Park as their favorite Samuel L. Jack­son role.

It’s vul­gar, and NSFW sans head­phones, but as legions of ado­les­cent boys will pas­sion­ate­ly attest, it has its moments. Watch­ing the behind the scenes, below, remind­ed me of all the plan­ning that went into this episode, from spe­cial effects make up to research and green screen. If the end result is not quite to your taste, at least you can rest assured that it’s by design.

Relat­ed Con­tent:

23 Free Hitch­cock Movies Online

Alfred Hitchcock’s Sev­en-Minute Edit­ing Mas­ter Class

Every Frame a Paint­ing Explains the Film­mak­ing Tech­niques of Mar­tin Scors­ese, Jack­ie Chan, and Even Michael Bay

Ter­ry Gilliam Explains The Dif­fer­ence Between Kubrick (Great Film­mak­er) and Spiel­berg (Less So)

Thomas Edi­son and Niko­la Tes­la Face Off in “Epic Rap Bat­tles of His­to­ry”

4,000+ Free Movies Online: Great Clas­sics, Indies, Noir, West­erns, Doc­u­men­taries & More

Ayun Hal­l­i­day is an author, home­school­er, and Chief Pri­ma­tol­o­gist of the East Vil­lage Inky zine. Fol­low her @AyunHalliday

The Making of the Famous Jive Talk Scenes from Airplane!

Like films by the Marx broth­ers, Air­plane! cre­ates a feel­ing of gid­dy, exu­ber­ant anar­chy by hurl­ing a non-stop bar­rage of jokes at you. It is the sort of movie that view­ers risk hyper­ven­ti­lat­ing from laugh­ing so much. Yet among the all gags and one-lin­ers — “I picked the wrong week to stop sniff­ing glue.”– pos­si­bly the most mem­o­rable is the famous jive talk­ing bit. You can watch it above.

The gag fea­tures two African Amer­i­can guys speak­ing with each oth­er in an impen­e­tra­ble patois of jive. Lat­er, one of the guys — the char­ac­ters are sim­ply cred­it­ed as First Jive Dude and Sec­ond Jive Dude — is suf­fer­ing from a stom­ach ail­ment. When the stew­ardess can’t under­stand what they are say­ing, Bar­bara Billings­ley – A.K.A. June Clever, A.K.A the whitest lady on the plan­et – stands up and starts to talk to the guys in flu­ent jive. It’s a jar­ring and hilar­i­ous moment. Jim Abra­hams and David and Jer­ry Zuck­er, the writ­ers and direc­tors of the movie talk, about that scene below.

“The whole notion for jive dia­logue orig­i­nat­ed from when we saw Shaft,” said Abra­ham. “We went and saw it and didn’t under­stand what they were say­ing. So we did our best as three nice Jew­ish boys from Mil­wau­kee to write jive talk for the script.”

Dur­ing the audi­tion, Nor­man Alexan­der Gibbs and Al White, old high school friends, deliv­ered a spot on exchange in jive. They were imme­di­ate­ly cast as First Jive Dude and Sec­ond Jive Dude respec­tive­ly. “We had to apol­o­gize for what we had writ­ten,” said David Zuck­er.

“We came up with the indi­vid­ual dia­logue in the movie,” said White. “They want­ed jive as a lan­guage, which it is not. Jive is only a word here or a phrase there.”

“We actu­al­ly cre­at­ed a lan­guage,” said Gibbs.

“I was sent the script and I thought it was the cra­zi­est script I’ve ever read,” recalled Billings­ley in an inter­view you can see below. “My part wasn’t writ­ten. It just said I talked jive. I met the pro­duc­er and I said I would do it. I met the two black fel­lows that taught me jive. … It wasn’t hard for me to learn.”

Thanks to Erik R. for send­ing this our way.

Jonathan Crow is a Los Ange­les-based writer and film­mak­er whose work has appeared in Yahoo!, The Hol­ly­wood Reporter, and oth­er pub­li­ca­tions. You can fol­low him at @jonccrow. And check out his blog Veep­to­pus, fea­tur­ing lots of pic­tures of bad­gers and even more pic­tures of vice pres­i­dents with octo­pus­es on their heads.  The Veep­to­pus store is here.

A Fun Parody of Downton Abbey Features George Clooney & the Cast of the Show

Sea­son 5 of Down­ton Abbey will begin (in the US) on Jan­u­ary 4th. But before the main course, we get a lit­tle appe­tiz­er, which comes in the form of a nine-minute par­o­dy star­ring George Clooney, Jere­my Piv­en and the cast of Down­ton Abbey. Bor­row­ing from It’s a Won­der­ful Life, the fun film asks us to imag­ine dai­ly life at the Abbey with­out Lord Grantham in the pic­ture. That’s when we get to see Lady Grantham cavort­ing with George Clooney, the Mar­quis of Hol­ly­wood (who kind of resem­bles Gomez from the Addams Fam­i­ly). And then the rest of the fam­i­ly and staff let­ting their hair loose.

The par­o­dy was made for Text San­ta, an ini­tia­tive that sup­ports UK char­i­ties dur­ing the Christ­mas peri­od. You can learn how to donate here.

Thanks Kim L. for the tip!

If you would like to sign up for Open Culture’s free email newslet­ter, please find it here. It’s a great way to see our new posts, all bun­dled in one email, each day.

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Young John Belushi Imitates Truman Capote & Performs Live on Second City Stage (1972)

The tow­er­ing giants of 80s comedy—Harold Ramis, Cather­ine O’Hara, Mar­tin Short, John Can­dy, Rick Mora­nis, Gil­da Rad­ner, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray—seem to have emerged as ful­ly-formed genius­es on the sound­stages of Sat­ur­day Night Live and in major com­e­dy films and TV shows. Like­wise more recent names like Bob Odenkirk, Tina Fey, Steve Car­rell, Amy Sedaris, and Stephen Col­bert. But the fact is, like most artists, these stars got their start on hum­bler stages—those of the Sec­ond City improv the­ater, the longest run­ning troupe of its kind in the U.S. and Cana­da. Oper­at­ing in Chica­go, L.A., and Toron­to, Sec­ond City began with a small group of Uni­ver­si­ty of Chica­go actors, includ­ing the late Mike Nichols and his com­e­dy part­ner Elaine May. The first the­ater opened in 1959, and dur­ing the six­ties Sec­ond City nur­tured actors and comics like Alan Arkin, Del Close, Joan Rivers, and Peter Boyle.

Among the mind-bog­gling wealth of tal­ent Sec­ond City pro­duced, one come­di­an stands out both because of his leg­endary phys­i­cal com­e­dy and his untime­ly and trag­ic death. And though these descrip­tions apply equal­ly to Sec­ond City alum Chris Far­ley, today we’re focus­ing in on John Belushi, who joined Sec­ond City in 1971, four years before the debut of Sat­ur­day Night Live and his sub­se­quent turns in The Blues Broth­ers and Ani­mal House. In the clip at the top, see Belushi play “the humil­i­at­ed son of a father who died a less-than-respectable death.” Join­ing him onstage are Joe Flaherty—best known for his work on Sec­ond City’s SCTV—and Harold Ramis, Jim Fish­er, Judy Mor­gan, and Euge­nie Ross-Lem­ing. Just above, the same cast sur­rounds Belushi as he does his Tru­man Capote impres­sion.

Both per­for­mances date from 1972, and though the video and audio qual­i­ty leave much to be desired, they’re well worth watch­ing, espe­cial­ly Belushi’s Capote. Remem­bered more per­haps for his bizarre comedic vio­lence, it’s easy to for­get the over two-dozen char­ac­ters Belushi imper­son­at­ed while on SNL, includ­ing Hen­ry Kissinger, Tip O’Neil, Eliz­a­beth Tay­lor, John Lennon, and William Shat­ner. Par­tic­u­lar­ly poignant now, as we look back on the career of Joe Cock­er, who died yes­ter­day, is Belushi’s famous impres­sion of the spir­it­ed British singer, above. When Cock­er saw it, he “became hys­ter­i­cal,” say­ing, “You can’t not laugh at this.” It’s a fit­ting trib­ute to Belushi, a true fan of Cock­er’s art, and to Cock­er, who had the humil­i­ty and good humor to appre­ci­ate a good joke at his expense.

You can watch a longer video of old Sec­ond City per­for­mances on this page. It runs about 40 min­utes.

Relat­ed Con­tent:

John Belushi’s Impro­vised Screen Test for Sat­ur­day Night Live (1975)

John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd Get Bri­an Wil­son Out of Bed and Force Him to Go Surf­ing, 1976

Lorne Michaels Intro­duces Sat­ur­day Night Live and Its Bril­liant First Cast for the Very First Time (1975)

Josh Jones is a writer and musi­cian based in Durham, NC. Fol­low him at @jdmagness

Ayn Rand’s Reviews of Children’s Movies: From Bambi to Frozen

white rand

Warm and fuzzy, she was­n’t. But that’s part­ly why it’s fun to imag­ine the acer­bic Ayn Rand tak­ing a crack at review­ing chil­dren’s movies. And that’s why it’s fun to read Mal­lo­ry Ort­berg’s par­o­dy in The New York­er, which fea­tures 17 Ran­di­an reviews of clas­sic kids films, begin­ning with Snow White and the Sev­en Dwarfs:

An indus­tri­ous young woman neglects to charge for her house­keep­ing ser­vices and is right­ly exploit­ed for her naïveté. She dies with­out ever hav­ing sought her own hap­pi­ness as the high­est moral aim. I did not fin­ish watch­ing this movie, find­ing it impos­si­ble to sym­pa­thize with the main char­ac­ter. —No stars.

Get the remain­ing movie reviews — and a few more laughs — right here.

Relat­ed Con­tent:

Flan­nery O’Connor: Friends Don’t Let Friends Read Ayn Rand (1960)

Ayn Rand Adamant­ly Defends Her Athe­ism on The Phil Don­ahue Show (Cir­ca 1979)

Ayn Rand Trash­es C.S. Lewis in Her Mar­gin­a­lia: He’s an “Abysmal Bas­tard”

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