When they finalÂly get those kinks worked out of the time machine and we can take a tourist trip back to Rome—having signed the non-interÂvenÂtion paperÂwork, of course—we’re going to need someÂone to guide us. I proÂpose that should be GarÂrett Ryan, host of the Told In Stone YouTube chanÂnel, PhD in Greek and Roman HisÂtoÂry, and author of Naked StatÂues, Fat GladÂiÂaÂtors, and War EleÂphants: FreÂquentÂly Asked QuesÂtions about the Ancient Greeks and Romans. He has made it his job to answer the everyÂday quesÂtions about these two ancient culÂtures that most hisÂtoÂriÂans pass over. But these are the quesÂtions we’re going to need as tourists if we think we’re going to go parÂty in Ancient Rome.
Because invariÂably someÂbody in our tourist group is going to ask “where’s the bars and nightÂclubs?” Fair quesÂtion. Ryan has the answers, all told in the video above.
Much like Las Vegas or Dubai, the real parÂtyÂing is hapÂpenÂing at the elite levÂels, among the idle rich who could afford day long banÂquets, extravÂaÂgant activÂiÂties such as live lion hunts, and import dancers from as far away as Spain. In Ryan’s reconÂstrucÂtion of a debauched night out he folÂlows a typÂiÂcal nouÂveau riche who goes slumÂming in the grimÂiÂer parts of the city, picks fights that his bodyÂguards sort out, and then lies his way into a parÂty at a manÂsion by claimÂing to know a friend inside. (He also bribes the guards). And then it’s on and on until the break of dawn.
For the majorÂiÂty of Romans though, the cities weren’t bustling at night. Most peoÂple rose at dawn and slept at dusk. Bars and eaterÂies did exist, howÂevÂer. After the dinÂner hour, these weren’t famÂiÂly-friendÂly estabÂlishÂments. There was gamÂbling and drinkÂing, and harÂried waitÂressÂes who didn’t have time for dumÂmies, and the beer and wine was cheap and excepÂtionÂalÂly low qualÂiÂty, and…wait, what exactÂly has changed? Not much, it seems.
Ryan’s othÂer videos offer quick hisÂtoÂries on the beer and wine selecÂtions you might find in Rome and in the largÂer empire. Although the upper classÂes looked down their Roman noses at beer, a majorÂiÂty of future Europe preÂferred it, includÂing Gaul, also known as modÂern day France. TacÂiÂtus conÂsidÂered beer (from GerÂmany) as bad as spoiled wine. And indeed a lot of it was sour, improved with the addiÂtion of sweetÂenÂers. The physiÂcian Dioscorides didn’t like beer because it caused excesÂsive gas. And while that might be true, it’s not like Roman wine would win any gold medals these days.
Both the Greeks and the Romans preÂferred their wine heavÂiÂly watered down, which might have been necÂesÂsary for its strong taste. SweetÂenÂers like honÂey would also be added to improve the taste. And most wine, ferÂmentÂed in vats, only lastÂed up to a year before turnÂing to vineÂgar.
There’s so much more to learn at these videos, you should just dive in. But when the time travÂel trip comes, please keep your 21st cenÂtuÂry opinÂions to yourÂself until we’re safeÂly home.
RelatÂed ConÂtent:
An 8‑Minute AniÂmatÂed Flight Over Ancient Rome
The HisÂtoÂry of Ancient Rome in 20 Quick MinÂutes: A Primer NarÂratÂed by BriÂan Cox
Ted Mills is a freeÂlance writer on the arts who curÂrentÂly hosts the Notes from the Shed podÂcast and is the proÂducÂer of KCRÂW’s CuriÂous Coast. You can also folÂlow him on TwitÂter at @tedmills, and/or watch his films here.



